Alright, so I know I've been MIA for a couple of weeks. I had family come in front out of town and then I had some technical issues BUT everything seems to be working properly at this point. So, without anymore excuses, here's this week's email. :)
Red,
So lately me and my friends have been trying to determin if one of our friends is gay. Its not a big deal but he shows a lot of signs and it would be nice to know. Most of my gay friends are pretty sure he is, but he denies it. He exibits signs, like uninterested in women who are accessable, only talks to girls who are in different states and not accessable, he tries to hard to be a "Macho Man" always talking about his sexual conquest like that's what I want to hear about... and to top it all of he shares a bed with his gay roommate. How should I approach asking him.... its not a big deal and im comfortable enough with my sexuallity to have gay friends, but it would be nice to know if he is gay or not
-David-
David, this is a pretty interesting issue. I've stated before (I believe) that there is really not one way to be gay. As such, there's not one way to be straight, either. As it is, "signs" and things of the like really can't be taken into account. You say that it's "not a big deal". If that is the case, you need to ask yourself why you are so concerned with figuring out this person's sexual orientation.
Let's say--for argument's sake--that this person is homosexual. Perhaps he's simply not ready to come to terms with that sexual identity. Maybe he doesn't want anyone to know. Maybe he doesn't even realize it himself. Regardless, if he is not ready to come out, it's not something that should be forced. If you are truly his friend, just respect him enough to realize that he may not be ready and just accept him as he is. If it's not a big deal, then don't make a big deal of it. When/if he's ready, it'll be nice to know that he has someone to come to.
Now, the other side of that, if he is not homosexual, then you could potentially be in danger of harassing someone for no reason. So, he shares a bed with his gay roommate. Maybe he is just comfortable enough with his sexuality to where he does not feel threatened by a gay man sharing the same bed. There are a lot of possibilities that it sounds like you have not taken into consideration.
That being said, I would not recommend asking your friend whether or not he is gay, as it has the potential to be really offensive or put him in a position that he may not be ready for. Regardless, if you are intent on discerning his sexual orientation, the best advice I can give you is simply to be direct an honest. Don't say "Hey, I think you're gay because of all of these reasons; are you gay?" Simply let him know that if he is gay, you'd support him and he would not lose you as a friend. Tell him that if he is gay, or if he thinks he may be, it would be alright to talk to you about it. That he can trust you. If he decides to come out to you, then you'll have your answer. If he says he's straight, then you need to be willing to accept that answer as well, and respect him enough not to press the issue.
Either way, the topic is really touchy. Like I said before, I would not recommend asking your friend. Let him come to you if he decides that he wants to. The most important thing you can do for your friend is make sure that he knows that you'll be there for him.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
From, Wolverinefuzz
Happy Independence Day for all of us in the United States of America. I'm not really what one would call "Patriotic" or even much of a nationalist, but I'll certainly celebrate a holiday that means no work, no school and I get the opportunity to blow some stuff up. Actually, there's currently a ban on fireworks in my area due to drought, but that's alright. I still get to spend some quality time with my family, which I hope my readers get to do as well.
Alright, so this week's letter can be considered really important for a lot of people. At first, I was apprehensive about responding to it because it is something that I will never have to deal with because I was blessed with a family that believes in open communication and who are extremely liberal and open-minded. I understand that many families aren't like my family. First of all, I'd like to reiterate the fact that I am not a doctor. I'm not a professional therapist. I'm not certified to practice any sort of counseling. I am just a person who wants to help people who feel like they have no where else to turn. That's why I do what I do. So, Wolverinefuzz, I hope this helps you.
Red Andy,
My name is *******... I'm 25 and I currently work at Wal-Mart in the clothing department. Sure, it's not the most glamorous job, but I'm doing my best. I've been struggling with this ever since middle school to be honest. I need your help, now more then ever. A few months back, a new guy started working here in the same department. He's the first openly gay person I've met, and I can't stop thinking about him. I've been having these kind of crushes and "problems" ever since first grade at the least when I had a crush on a boy. I'm so embaressed. My parents and entire family are devout Christians... and they aren't exactly "open" to my feelings. I don't really have any friends, and as I said, talking to my parents is out of the question until I fess up to them. I need to tell my parents that I am, putting it blatantly, gay. I've been putting this off since High School when I finally came to terms with who I am. I need advice on how to do it though... and I also need advice on how to ask this guy out. Please, you're the only one I can turn to at the point. All I'm asking for is advice.
-wolverinefuzz
Alright, first of all, I'd like to say that it is a huge step you've taken in admitting to yourself that you're gay. Many people go their whole lives and never admit it to themselves out of fear or ignorance. The fact that you've taken the time to assess your feelings and understand yourself says a lot about you and your character, so well done. Understand that there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You do not have a "problem", being homosexual is not a disease anymore than it is a "life-style choice" like many would have you believe. It is in a person's genetics to the simplest biological level as many studies have shown. After all, I'm sure my parents did not decide at age three, "I'm going to be straight," any more than you woke up in middle school and decided, "I'm going to be gay." It is what it is, and there is no shame in being who you are.
Before you decide to come out to your family, you need to understand the possible consequences of doing so. You've said that your family is not "open" to the idea of you being homosexual due to their religious beliefs. Because of this, it is most important that you educate yourself and have some kind of support system to fall back on. You need to ask yourself "Why am I coming out to my family?" Is it because you feel the urge to let your parents know that this is part of who you are? Is it because you don't want to lie anymore? Figure out the reason and come to terms with it. More than likely, this sort of news will hit them hard (just based off of the information you've given me) and you have to be prepared. If you depend on your family financially...you might want to rethink coming out to them until you have more options. It's possible, in some cases, for parents to disown their children for being honest, and although I'm not saying it will happen to you, it is a possibility, so make sure you're prepared.
That is another reason why you need a support system. It is important to have someone to talk to--whether it is a friend or partner or even a group. Try to find a support group in your area for Gays and Lesbians. It is relatively easy to search online and find such resources. You could even consider speaking with a counselor. Touching on your other question about asking this fellow at work out, you could try asking him how he came out to his parents. Before jumping into a relationship or asking him out, try to just become his friend and get to know him. Let the rest happen naturally, if you decide that you want to ask him out on a date. See about getting coffee (or something equally non-committal if you don't like coffee) so that you can simply talk and get to know one another. The bottom line is, you have to have others to talk to. And if nothing else, you have my email address.
Make sure you're educated. That's a big deal. No matter how you broach the subject, families tend to ask "Why?" "How do you know?" and "What does that mean 'You're Gay'?" You have to be ready to answer these questions along with several others. Here is a link to a study about homosexuality on the biological level--something that you can explain to them when they ask "Have you tried not being gay?" Gay, Straight Men's Brain Responses Differ. It is just one of many articles, so make sure you do some research. Know that there is not just one way to be gay. You are who you are. And you happen to be gay. It does not change who you are, so make sure that your family understands that.
You'll want to pick a "good" time to come out to your parents, meaning don't come out during an argument or heated discussion. Don't be resentful as you come out. You could even try writing it to them in a letter and letting them come to terms with it on their own. You could speak with one parent first so that you can tell your other family members together. Regardless, it is something that needs to be calmly addressed--as calmly as possible. And you have to make sure it's what you want and are ready for.
Don't feel pressured to come out to your parents. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. There's no set time-limit. You have to make sure that this will make you happier in the long run.
I, personally, do not classify my sexuality. I am what I am. However, I did come out to my parents when I realized I held a certain attraction for people of the same gender. I told my father first, when I was in high school. I asked him hypothetically (I was young and used it as a defense mechanism). I asked "What would you do if I were gay?" while we were in the car one morning. He did not seem surprised or angry. He just simply said, "Well...I mean, you are what you are. I'd still love you and so would your mother. We'd rather you not be gay for your sake, but what can I do? .....Are you gay?" I told him I wasn't sure yet. But it was nice to know that if I was, he'd still support me. I told my mother years later when I was having issues with a heterosexual partner. I told her that I had been with another of the same gender, and I was attracted to them and she simply said, "Well, before you continue with this relationship, you have to make sure it's what you really want and that you are or aren't gay. It's something that you have to come to terms with." We were at McDonald's. It was probably the strangest and most rewarding conversation of my life. And because of my parents' support, I know who I am after knowing that no matter what, I had their love and support. I realized how lucky I was. And I also understood that not everyone has that.
Should you approach it the same way I did? I can't really say what the "best" way to tell your parents is. There's no real answer. Just explore your options and take it slowly. Make sure you're as comfortable as possible, and that you make your parents comfortable as possible. There's really no easy way to do it. But once you've made up your mind to do it, you'll be able to find the right way to come out in your own mind. Again, I'll say to find some kind of Gay and Lesbian support group so that you can ask questions and meet other gays and lesbians in your area. Knowing people that understand what you're going through is the best sort of therapy and hearing other people's stories usually help you to figure out the best way that you can come out.
Below is a list of references and links with advice for coming out, safe sex practices, and just helpful advice. I'm sure that they'll help. Just take the time to read through them. And if you ever need anyone to talk to, just shoot me an email. I understand how hard it can be sometimes. Just know that there's always someone you can talk to.
-Gay, Straight Men's Brain Responses Differ
-Coming Out and Staying Out -- Advice for Gay and Bisexual Men
-Gay/Lesbian Resources -- Coming Out to Family and Friends
-Coming Out to Your Parents
Alright, so this week's letter can be considered really important for a lot of people. At first, I was apprehensive about responding to it because it is something that I will never have to deal with because I was blessed with a family that believes in open communication and who are extremely liberal and open-minded. I understand that many families aren't like my family. First of all, I'd like to reiterate the fact that I am not a doctor. I'm not a professional therapist. I'm not certified to practice any sort of counseling. I am just a person who wants to help people who feel like they have no where else to turn. That's why I do what I do. So, Wolverinefuzz, I hope this helps you.
Red Andy,
My name is *******... I'm 25 and I currently work at Wal-Mart in the clothing department. Sure, it's not the most glamorous job, but I'm doing my best. I've been struggling with this ever since middle school to be honest. I need your help, now more then ever. A few months back, a new guy started working here in the same department. He's the first openly gay person I've met, and I can't stop thinking about him. I've been having these kind of crushes and "problems" ever since first grade at the least when I had a crush on a boy. I'm so embaressed. My parents and entire family are devout Christians... and they aren't exactly "open" to my feelings. I don't really have any friends, and as I said, talking to my parents is out of the question until I fess up to them. I need to tell my parents that I am, putting it blatantly, gay. I've been putting this off since High School when I finally came to terms with who I am. I need advice on how to do it though... and I also need advice on how to ask this guy out. Please, you're the only one I can turn to at the point. All I'm asking for is advice.
-wolverinefuzz
Alright, first of all, I'd like to say that it is a huge step you've taken in admitting to yourself that you're gay. Many people go their whole lives and never admit it to themselves out of fear or ignorance. The fact that you've taken the time to assess your feelings and understand yourself says a lot about you and your character, so well done. Understand that there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You do not have a "problem", being homosexual is not a disease anymore than it is a "life-style choice" like many would have you believe. It is in a person's genetics to the simplest biological level as many studies have shown. After all, I'm sure my parents did not decide at age three, "I'm going to be straight," any more than you woke up in middle school and decided, "I'm going to be gay." It is what it is, and there is no shame in being who you are.
Before you decide to come out to your family, you need to understand the possible consequences of doing so. You've said that your family is not "open" to the idea of you being homosexual due to their religious beliefs. Because of this, it is most important that you educate yourself and have some kind of support system to fall back on. You need to ask yourself "Why am I coming out to my family?" Is it because you feel the urge to let your parents know that this is part of who you are? Is it because you don't want to lie anymore? Figure out the reason and come to terms with it. More than likely, this sort of news will hit them hard (just based off of the information you've given me) and you have to be prepared. If you depend on your family financially...you might want to rethink coming out to them until you have more options. It's possible, in some cases, for parents to disown their children for being honest, and although I'm not saying it will happen to you, it is a possibility, so make sure you're prepared.
That is another reason why you need a support system. It is important to have someone to talk to--whether it is a friend or partner or even a group. Try to find a support group in your area for Gays and Lesbians. It is relatively easy to search online and find such resources. You could even consider speaking with a counselor. Touching on your other question about asking this fellow at work out, you could try asking him how he came out to his parents. Before jumping into a relationship or asking him out, try to just become his friend and get to know him. Let the rest happen naturally, if you decide that you want to ask him out on a date. See about getting coffee (or something equally non-committal if you don't like coffee) so that you can simply talk and get to know one another. The bottom line is, you have to have others to talk to. And if nothing else, you have my email address.
Make sure you're educated. That's a big deal. No matter how you broach the subject, families tend to ask "Why?" "How do you know?" and "What does that mean 'You're Gay'?" You have to be ready to answer these questions along with several others. Here is a link to a study about homosexuality on the biological level--something that you can explain to them when they ask "Have you tried not being gay?" Gay, Straight Men's Brain Responses Differ. It is just one of many articles, so make sure you do some research. Know that there is not just one way to be gay. You are who you are. And you happen to be gay. It does not change who you are, so make sure that your family understands that.
You'll want to pick a "good" time to come out to your parents, meaning don't come out during an argument or heated discussion. Don't be resentful as you come out. You could even try writing it to them in a letter and letting them come to terms with it on their own. You could speak with one parent first so that you can tell your other family members together. Regardless, it is something that needs to be calmly addressed--as calmly as possible. And you have to make sure it's what you want and are ready for.
Don't feel pressured to come out to your parents. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. There's no set time-limit. You have to make sure that this will make you happier in the long run.
I, personally, do not classify my sexuality. I am what I am. However, I did come out to my parents when I realized I held a certain attraction for people of the same gender. I told my father first, when I was in high school. I asked him hypothetically (I was young and used it as a defense mechanism). I asked "What would you do if I were gay?" while we were in the car one morning. He did not seem surprised or angry. He just simply said, "Well...I mean, you are what you are. I'd still love you and so would your mother. We'd rather you not be gay for your sake, but what can I do? .....Are you gay?" I told him I wasn't sure yet. But it was nice to know that if I was, he'd still support me. I told my mother years later when I was having issues with a heterosexual partner. I told her that I had been with another of the same gender, and I was attracted to them and she simply said, "Well, before you continue with this relationship, you have to make sure it's what you really want and that you are or aren't gay. It's something that you have to come to terms with." We were at McDonald's. It was probably the strangest and most rewarding conversation of my life. And because of my parents' support, I know who I am after knowing that no matter what, I had their love and support. I realized how lucky I was. And I also understood that not everyone has that.
Should you approach it the same way I did? I can't really say what the "best" way to tell your parents is. There's no real answer. Just explore your options and take it slowly. Make sure you're as comfortable as possible, and that you make your parents comfortable as possible. There's really no easy way to do it. But once you've made up your mind to do it, you'll be able to find the right way to come out in your own mind. Again, I'll say to find some kind of Gay and Lesbian support group so that you can ask questions and meet other gays and lesbians in your area. Knowing people that understand what you're going through is the best sort of therapy and hearing other people's stories usually help you to figure out the best way that you can come out.
Below is a list of references and links with advice for coming out, safe sex practices, and just helpful advice. I'm sure that they'll help. Just take the time to read through them. And if you ever need anyone to talk to, just shoot me an email. I understand how hard it can be sometimes. Just know that there's always someone you can talk to.
-Gay, Straight Men's Brain Responses Differ
-Coming Out and Staying Out -- Advice for Gay and Bisexual Men
-Gay/Lesbian Resources -- Coming Out to Family and Friends
-Coming Out to Your Parents
Monday, June 27, 2011
From, Cathy
Happy Monday. Okay, I know not everyone looks forward to Mondays, but get your laté's and your Redbulls and wake up. Today's letter comes from Cathy, and she writes:
Red,
A couple of weeks ago I found a dirty magazine in my boyfriend's room. I'm not upset that he has them because most men do but this magazine was an s&m magazine. I really didnt flip through it to see what was in it but based on the cover it looked kind of extreme and not something I could really tolerate. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months (today!) and we have been having sex for about four month so we are what I would consider serious. But I'm nervous that this is the type of person that he really is and I don't know how to bring it up to him. I don't know if I can be with someone who is into s&m because I am NOT. Please, how am I supposed to talk to him about this?
-* Cathy *-
First of all Cathy, I would have to commend you on not going off the deep end and throwing what you have discovered in his face, as I know some women would be prone to doing. It is very important not to let our assumptions get the better of us and cause us to blow up on our partners. One of the things you need to understand is that everyone has their own private thoughts and fantasies that they are not, perhaps, comfortable sharing with anyone. If the magazine was hidden away, then there is probably a reason for it and if he left it out in the open for you to find, then there is probably reason for it as well.
I understand that not everyone is into sadism and masochism. Some people think it's wrong or dirty or just too kinky. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and tastes (so long as there's no legal ramifications). You have to respect your partner enough to understand that he has a right to be into whatever he wants, even if you may not agree with it. What you have to decide is if it is a deal-breaker for you. 9 months is a relatively long time to date someone, and if you feel as if you'd love him no matter what, then I don't really see what the problem is. You have to decide what you're willing to tolerate and compromise on--that is what a relationship is.
If the magazine was hidden, I would wait to bring it up until he feels willing to talk about it. If it truly matters that much, I would broach the subject lightly. It seems to me that 9 months would be long enough to ask what he is "in to" and what is something he might enjoy--sexually speaking. Or perhaps you can approach the subject by saying what you like and are in to. Regardless, you need to keep an open mind with your partner, and do your best not to judge him. It's possible that he is ashamed of his interests already. Allow him to be open and honest with you, and make sure he understands the levels that you are willing to meet him. If you're not willing to compromise your beliefs, then let him know that as well. A lot can be said for simply saying "Alright, I acknowledge that you like that, but I can't do that. Perhaps we can try something different."
It is also possible that the magazine is not even his. But the most important thing to realize is that obsessing over it is only going to put pressure on yourself and cause you to worry. Just approach the subject with calm understanding. From what you have said, it seems that this situation is a deal-breaker. Just be sure that you are really willing to let him go if he happens to take an interest in S&M. Just because he may be into it, does not mean that it defines him as a person. Just because someone likes the color pink does not mean that they have a sunny disposition.
Red,
A couple of weeks ago I found a dirty magazine in my boyfriend's room. I'm not upset that he has them because most men do but this magazine was an s&m magazine. I really didnt flip through it to see what was in it but based on the cover it looked kind of extreme and not something I could really tolerate. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months (today!) and we have been having sex for about four month so we are what I would consider serious. But I'm nervous that this is the type of person that he really is and I don't know how to bring it up to him. I don't know if I can be with someone who is into s&m because I am NOT. Please, how am I supposed to talk to him about this?
-* Cathy *-
First of all Cathy, I would have to commend you on not going off the deep end and throwing what you have discovered in his face, as I know some women would be prone to doing. It is very important not to let our assumptions get the better of us and cause us to blow up on our partners. One of the things you need to understand is that everyone has their own private thoughts and fantasies that they are not, perhaps, comfortable sharing with anyone. If the magazine was hidden away, then there is probably a reason for it and if he left it out in the open for you to find, then there is probably reason for it as well.
I understand that not everyone is into sadism and masochism. Some people think it's wrong or dirty or just too kinky. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and tastes (so long as there's no legal ramifications). You have to respect your partner enough to understand that he has a right to be into whatever he wants, even if you may not agree with it. What you have to decide is if it is a deal-breaker for you. 9 months is a relatively long time to date someone, and if you feel as if you'd love him no matter what, then I don't really see what the problem is. You have to decide what you're willing to tolerate and compromise on--that is what a relationship is.
If the magazine was hidden, I would wait to bring it up until he feels willing to talk about it. If it truly matters that much, I would broach the subject lightly. It seems to me that 9 months would be long enough to ask what he is "in to" and what is something he might enjoy--sexually speaking. Or perhaps you can approach the subject by saying what you like and are in to. Regardless, you need to keep an open mind with your partner, and do your best not to judge him. It's possible that he is ashamed of his interests already. Allow him to be open and honest with you, and make sure he understands the levels that you are willing to meet him. If you're not willing to compromise your beliefs, then let him know that as well. A lot can be said for simply saying "Alright, I acknowledge that you like that, but I can't do that. Perhaps we can try something different."
It is also possible that the magazine is not even his. But the most important thing to realize is that obsessing over it is only going to put pressure on yourself and cause you to worry. Just approach the subject with calm understanding. From what you have said, it seems that this situation is a deal-breaker. Just be sure that you are really willing to let him go if he happens to take an interest in S&M. Just because he may be into it, does not mean that it defines him as a person. Just because someone likes the color pink does not mean that they have a sunny disposition.
Monday, June 20, 2011
From, Passionatefouryou
Alright. As promised, it's Monday, and here I am posting up a new letter and a new reply. I know it's been a while, so bare with me while I tweek the website a bit. I have a new affiliate, if you're aware, of a start-up .com with a friend of mine at Convulsive Liar § Designs. The website is not up, but apparently she has some of her things up from a web design class she's taking/took, so if anything, check it out.
Okay, now that I've sold out (Thanks, Jen), let's move on to our letter, which reads:
Red,
so recently i was invited to a passion party (adult toys are sold here). my girlfriend who lives in a different state seemed to have an issue with it but she wouldnt come out and just say it. then i thought she was ignoring me the day of the event. we got into a small fight but everything is fine now. in the future is there any advice you cold give us to maybe make it easier of less of a problem?
Passionatefouryou
Okay, so the big thing you have to think about in this instance is that women think of things a lot differently than men do. Where you could very well believe that nothing is a big deal, she may believe it is--or visa versa. For example, the entire issue could simple be mis-communication. You say "I thought she was ignoring me..." but did you really know? Who's to say she simply wasn't available to talk. It's possible. The other side is to think about things from her perspective. If she seems upset, ask her what about it upsets her. Some people aren't comfortable disclosing their feelings for one reason or another, and sometimes it's important that they know that you at least care one way or another. But you can't badger someone to talk about their issues if they simply don't want to.
You say that you worked it out and that's great. But you have to understand that there are always going to be issues one way or another. The best thing that I can say is that you both need to make each other aware of things that bother you so that you can prepare in the future. I don't know what the actual problem was because you never disclosed it, but let's say--for example--that the reason she had an issue was because she didn't want you going to that kind of event (adult situations and such). Figure out why. Try to set her at ease about the issue. If you can't, then the pair of you have to reach a compromise. That's what being in a relationship is. And both of you have to be willing to do the work if you want to be together.
If you (or anyone) would like a more in-depth example or something more specific, please feel free to comment below or send me an email at AskRedAndy@gmail.com and I'll be happy to help.
Okay, now that I've sold out (Thanks, Jen), let's move on to our letter, which reads:
Red,
so recently i was invited to a passion party (adult toys are sold here). my girlfriend who lives in a different state seemed to have an issue with it but she wouldnt come out and just say it. then i thought she was ignoring me the day of the event. we got into a small fight but everything is fine now. in the future is there any advice you cold give us to maybe make it easier of less of a problem?
Passionatefouryou
Okay, so the big thing you have to think about in this instance is that women think of things a lot differently than men do. Where you could very well believe that nothing is a big deal, she may believe it is--or visa versa. For example, the entire issue could simple be mis-communication. You say "I thought she was ignoring me..." but did you really know? Who's to say she simply wasn't available to talk. It's possible. The other side is to think about things from her perspective. If she seems upset, ask her what about it upsets her. Some people aren't comfortable disclosing their feelings for one reason or another, and sometimes it's important that they know that you at least care one way or another. But you can't badger someone to talk about their issues if they simply don't want to.
You say that you worked it out and that's great. But you have to understand that there are always going to be issues one way or another. The best thing that I can say is that you both need to make each other aware of things that bother you so that you can prepare in the future. I don't know what the actual problem was because you never disclosed it, but let's say--for example--that the reason she had an issue was because she didn't want you going to that kind of event (adult situations and such). Figure out why. Try to set her at ease about the issue. If you can't, then the pair of you have to reach a compromise. That's what being in a relationship is. And both of you have to be willing to do the work if you want to be together.
If you (or anyone) would like a more in-depth example or something more specific, please feel free to comment below or send me an email at AskRedAndy@gmail.com and I'll be happy to help.
Monday, June 13, 2011
From, Red Andy
Alright, so obviously I haven't updated in a while. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts and my inability to access my email accounts, I have not been able to post much of anything. However, all of that is at an end! I'm back and I have a new post date! From now on, every Monday I will be posting up new letters and my responses. Today, I won't be. I know, it's sad. This is just an update to inform you about what will be going on. I have to sift through my emails (since I can now--yay!) and try to figure out which one to post. If I don't get to your email right away, don't be disappointed. I'll try to get to all of them. If they have similar themes, then I will credit everyone who sent in a letter with that theme.
More than anything, I appreciate your patience and continued support of my blog! Check back here next Monday for an all-new letter and response!
-Red Andy
More than anything, I appreciate your patience and continued support of my blog! Check back here next Monday for an all-new letter and response!
-Red Andy
Thursday, January 27, 2011
From, Red Andy
So, this week was low on emails, as in there were none. There is an issue I'd like to touch on though. Sex is an important part of any relationship and something that is meant to be enjoyed by partners. Impotence in men is something that has been addressed a lot in the recent years. Even the lack of desire in women is an issue that has had light shed upon it on a large scale. With female libido enhancers such as gels (like "KY Intense") and herbal supplements (like "HerSolution") it's becoming more and more easy for women to become stimulated and enjoy sex more. However, there are still times when women are not feeling "up to it" based on different problems they may be encountering in their lives (ie: recent childbirth, hormonal problems, psychological issues, etc.), and as such, sex with their partners becomes less and less of a priority. As such, some men have a tendency to become frustrated but do not how to articulate their frustrations in an effective manner. As such, arguments can result, lack of communication and in some cases, infidelity.
A good friend of mine is going through kind of a tough issue. She's been having some kind of severe symptoms of Menometrorrhagia. Menometrorrhagia is a condition in which a woman has persistent and/or extreme uterine bleeding in an irregular pattern and more frequently than normal (ie, in-between periods). Some of the causes are hormonal imbalance, uterine fibroids (benign tumors in the uterus), endometriosis (when cells similar to those lining the inner walls of the uterus that shed monthly appear on the outside of the uterus), or sometimes cancer. It can be pretty serious, especially depending on the cause of the hemorrhaging. For a little more information and facts about Menometrorrhagia, visit OrganizedWisdom>Menometrorrhagia.
In any case, because my friend's condition, she's been having some severe cramping and every time her and her partner decide to have intercourse it makes the bleeding a lot worse or start all over again. As a result, her sex drive is extremely low to put it mildly. I'm not going to go into the details of her relationship with her partner, because it would be unethical of me. However, communication problems seem to be causing a strain on their relationship. Just because sexual intercourse doesn't seem to be an option at the moment, does not mean that intimacy has to go out of the window. Despite the fact that a woman may not be feeling particularly sexy doesn't mean that her partner does not want her. As such, when that time comes, and you hear "Hey, honey..." sometimes saying "Not tonight, dear" isn't the best course of action. Instead, try something different. Go back to the days of "necking". Making out and heavy petting can be vastly under-rated. The stimulation is obviously pleasurable while it can be non-invasive for the woman. As far as pleasing your partner try outer-course, rather than intercourse. Oral sex, manual stimulation, touching, massaging....it's all form of stimulation.
Sex is an important part of relationships and when a person is not feeling up to it, then communication is key. Rather than judging, your partner should be supportive. But if you know that your not going to be able to perform sexual intercourse, then you have to compromise. There's two people in the relationship and where you may believe that it's your partner's job to be supportive and understand your needs, you have to understand his/her's. If you aren't willing to work through the issue together, then what's the point?
As always, when involved in intimate relations with your partner, remember to be safe!
A good friend of mine is going through kind of a tough issue. She's been having some kind of severe symptoms of Menometrorrhagia. Menometrorrhagia is a condition in which a woman has persistent and/or extreme uterine bleeding in an irregular pattern and more frequently than normal (ie, in-between periods). Some of the causes are hormonal imbalance, uterine fibroids (benign tumors in the uterus), endometriosis (when cells similar to those lining the inner walls of the uterus that shed monthly appear on the outside of the uterus), or sometimes cancer. It can be pretty serious, especially depending on the cause of the hemorrhaging. For a little more information and facts about Menometrorrhagia, visit OrganizedWisdom>Menometrorrhagia.
In any case, because my friend's condition, she's been having some severe cramping and every time her and her partner decide to have intercourse it makes the bleeding a lot worse or start all over again. As a result, her sex drive is extremely low to put it mildly. I'm not going to go into the details of her relationship with her partner, because it would be unethical of me. However, communication problems seem to be causing a strain on their relationship. Just because sexual intercourse doesn't seem to be an option at the moment, does not mean that intimacy has to go out of the window. Despite the fact that a woman may not be feeling particularly sexy doesn't mean that her partner does not want her. As such, when that time comes, and you hear "Hey, honey..." sometimes saying "Not tonight, dear" isn't the best course of action. Instead, try something different. Go back to the days of "necking". Making out and heavy petting can be vastly under-rated. The stimulation is obviously pleasurable while it can be non-invasive for the woman. As far as pleasing your partner try outer-course, rather than intercourse. Oral sex, manual stimulation, touching, massaging....it's all form of stimulation.
Sex is an important part of relationships and when a person is not feeling up to it, then communication is key. Rather than judging, your partner should be supportive. But if you know that your not going to be able to perform sexual intercourse, then you have to compromise. There's two people in the relationship and where you may believe that it's your partner's job to be supportive and understand your needs, you have to understand his/her's. If you aren't willing to work through the issue together, then what's the point?
As always, when involved in intimate relations with your partner, remember to be safe!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
From, Red Andy
Hey, so this week has been relatively uneventful. This week I didn't get any letters in but I didn't think that just because I received no letters that I should forgo my obligation to post a new entry on the blog. I just wanted to say a quick "Thank you" to everyone who's been reading and sending in letters. I really appreciate it and I'm glad that I can help. Regarding last week's letter, I understand that it was a little depressing, but you never know when someone may be reaching out for help. That being said, I appreciate you writing in, but from now on if I receive a letter like that, I will answer it privately--meaning, I won't post it up on the website unless I feel obligated to do so.
Thanks for reading this brief update, and hopefully next week I'll have more emails.
Thanks for reading this brief update, and hopefully next week I'll have more emails.
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