Alright. As promised, it's Monday, and here I am posting up a new letter and a new reply. I know it's been a while, so bare with me while I tweek the website a bit. I have a new affiliate, if you're aware, of a start-up .com with a friend of mine at Convulsive Liar § Designs. The website is not up, but apparently she has some of her things up from a web design class she's taking/took, so if anything, check it out.
Okay, now that I've sold out (Thanks, Jen), let's move on to our letter, which reads:
Red,
so recently i was invited to a passion party (adult toys are sold here). my girlfriend who lives in a different state seemed to have an issue with it but she wouldnt come out and just say it. then i thought she was ignoring me the day of the event. we got into a small fight but everything is fine now. in the future is there any advice you cold give us to maybe make it easier of less of a problem?
Passionatefouryou
Okay, so the big thing you have to think about in this instance is that women think of things a lot differently than men do. Where you could very well believe that nothing is a big deal, she may believe it is--or visa versa. For example, the entire issue could simple be mis-communication. You say "I thought she was ignoring me..." but did you really know? Who's to say she simply wasn't available to talk. It's possible. The other side is to think about things from her perspective. If she seems upset, ask her what about it upsets her. Some people aren't comfortable disclosing their feelings for one reason or another, and sometimes it's important that they know that you at least care one way or another. But you can't badger someone to talk about their issues if they simply don't want to.
You say that you worked it out and that's great. But you have to understand that there are always going to be issues one way or another. The best thing that I can say is that you both need to make each other aware of things that bother you so that you can prepare in the future. I don't know what the actual problem was because you never disclosed it, but let's say--for example--that the reason she had an issue was because she didn't want you going to that kind of event (adult situations and such). Figure out why. Try to set her at ease about the issue. If you can't, then the pair of you have to reach a compromise. That's what being in a relationship is. And both of you have to be willing to do the work if you want to be together.
If you (or anyone) would like a more in-depth example or something more specific, please feel free to comment below or send me an email at AskRedAndy@gmail.com and I'll be happy to help.
Well, I was invited to the party before we had started dating, and when I thought she was mad and just ignoring me she had been talking to me about it all morning, because I wanted to make sure it was ok with her. the actual problem was like I said before we started dating I was invited to the passion party, I had no clue that I was going to come back from vacation with a girlfriend, I had already promised I would be there and place a $50 non-refundable retainer on my seat (the $50 is later used towards your purchase at the party). Well it hit me about a week before the party to ask her if she minded since passion parties are predominately female events. I just wanted her input and to trust that I wouldn’t stray... I was just giving her a heads up that I was going I wasn’t really asking her permission im a grown adult and that seems a little messed up if I were required to ask permission to hang out with friends... I mean I don’t make her ask me...
ReplyDeleteIf you are taking it upon yourself to volunteer such information, then it's possible you know your girlfriend well enough to know that it has the possibility of becoming an issue with her. I mean, it truly is something that is relative to the person that you are with. If you do want her to tell you her plans, then tell her so. If it does not bother you either way, then leave it at that. But, in my opinion (which really doesn't matter in the long-run, since it is your relationship) it would be unfair for you to resent her for not feeling obligated to volunteer her plans with you. You really just need to convey how you feel about the issue with her. I mean, how is she ever going to know how you feel if you don't tell her? How are you ever going to know how she feels if she doesn't tell you? Keep communication open. :)
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