Alright, so I have to admit, I was rather skeptical about whether or not I would get any emails by today, only because my blog is so new and I'm not a well-known blogger or anything like that. Well, I went around to people I knew online and asked them to refer my blog and things like that--you know, talk to people about it. Well, I'd like to say thank you to all of those people I'd talk to, because someone actually wrote in. Everyone--you know who you are--you are the best!
In any case, moving on. Today's letter was sent in today from "O-Land"...whatever that means... :
Bonjour, My friend Andy!!
Keeses from O-land :P So I didn't know who to ask but I really needed to talk to someone. So I'm in love (I know, cheesy!) But yes, I am in love with someone that I care for more than I thought possible. What's the problem? Well.... Before knowing said-person, I thought sex was disgusting and something that I would never do myself. I pretty much can say that I had no sex drive whatsoever. But the more I got to know this person, the more I saw myself having a family with them, growing old with them, and yes, making love with them. Just them for the rest of my life. But here's the problem... I want to wait for my wedding night. If we were to do anything before, would we ruin the beautiful relationship we have now (that's freakin' amazing without it as it is)? Or would we complicate it and end up hurting each other? And if we decide to hold off, what can I do to show my love?
Respond when possible!!!
- PrettyGurlsMakeGraves
Well, this is a tricky subject, I must say. I'd like to say, first off, congratulations on falling in love, and I don't believe it's "cheesy" in the least. Whether you're a virgin or not, waiting for marriage to have sexual relations is always going to be a personal choice that you have to talk to your partner about and be completely honest. If he or she really cares about you, he or she will respect you and not try to push your decision. However, no one is perfect and deciding to be celibate throughout your relationship--or at least abstaining from sexual intercourse--can create tension in the relationship, especially if your partner is used to having intercourse on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, I am not a psychic, so I cannot tell you what will happen if you do or do not have sex with your partner. If it is something that you are very adamant about, I would suggest sticking to your values--if only because you do not want to feel forced into intercourse, and that's purely for your sake. Sexual intercourse with someone that you love can be very beautiful, and some would argue that if you plan on staying with that person the rest of your life then there would be no harm in having sex before you're married. But that, I'm afraid, is something that you have to come to terms with on your own. If you decide to make love with your partner, you must be comfortable and relaxed. Communication is very important. Talk about what feels good and what doesn't. If you're unsure about something, don't be afraid to ask your partner questions. Don't worry about seeming a little silly. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. One important thing to remember is: if you're not comfortable with yourself, it is going to be very hard to be comfortable with someone else. Perhaps the most important thing of all if you decide to make love is to BE SAFE. Use protection to help prevent the spreading of disease, and to help prevent pregnancy. You can never be too safe.
If you ultimately decide to wait until you're married, communication is still very important. Let your partner know the reasons behind your decision, and make sure your partner understands how important it is to you. Discuss limits to how far you're willing to go in your relationship before marriage--in a sexual sense, that is. If you don't want to go any further than kissing and perhaps heavy petting, let him or her know that. If you're willing to stick to "outercourse" (such as oral sex, erotic massages, etc. which, if you like, I can go into full detail about techniques and the like in another blog--just shoot me an email) that is something that you also need to discuss. Again, if there is any chance that bodily fluids are going to be exchanged, I strongly recommend that you use protection. No matter how far you're willing to go though, make sure that you do not feel forced. Not only because I'm sure it's illegal in nearly every way, but because you won't enjoy it if you feel forced and uncomfortable.
I can understand your being worried that your partner may think you do not love him or her. Trust me, if you're honest and are willing to talk about it openly, your partner will not doubt your love. Where sex is not always about love--I'm sad to say--the flip side is that you do not have to have sex to prove that you love someone.
All in all, remember what's most important: communication and protection. If you're open and honest with your partner then there shouldn't be a problem. Just take things at your pace, and hopefully your partner will love and respect you enough to let you. That is the foundation of any successful relationship, after all.
Yay!! Thank you so much, Red!! That was very very helpful!! But I think you're completely right; communication is extremely important. That's one thing I still have problems with. When my love says something or does something hurtful, I don't say what was done that hurt, I just bit it back and hope it doesn't happen again. So if you don't mind me asking another question (yes, I will be harassing you some :P) How can one communicate indifference without coming across as being annoying, bothersome or stuck-up?
ReplyDeletePrettyGurlsMakeGraves
Well, I don't think you can really "communicate indifference" because if you were indifferent you wouldn't care. I suppose that I am the type of person that when something is said or done to me, I tend to be very passive-aggressive. Sometime it is a good thing, some time it is a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteIf something is really bothering you and you want to talk about it, don't talk about it when you're angry. It makes your thoughts skattered and you're speaking out of emotion rather than reason. The best thing to do would be to address the situation a little while after it's happened, or when you've had a chance to calm down, and then simply say "I feel (this way) when you do/say (this)." Make sure you're not attacking him or her. Open up a calm dialogue to figure out a way to rectify the situation together. You'll get no where by bottling it up. Your partner may have no idea that he or she is being hurtful to you.