Merry Christmas and Happy Yule,
So, it's Thursday, that means it's time for another letter! This has been a very busy week for me, as I'm sure it has been for most of you, so I really appreciate those of you who take the time to read my blog and send me letters. It really means a lot to me, and I'm really glad that I can help you.
This week's letter is actually something that I can relate with completely; it's about long-distance relationships--or in this case, a newly formed relationship that's turning into a long-distance relationship--and it's from a reader named Jinxie. Jinxie writes:
Red,
I have to admit, I think this is an...interesting blog that you have decided to create. Not many people would have the guts to do something like this, or the experience, so kudos. Well, my problem is with my boyfriend who I have known for years but have only recently started to date. It's not that he isn't great or anything, and I really care about him (maybe even love him, I'm not sure), but the bottom line is that he had decided to join the military and is now going to be gone for a considerable amount of time. Now I did know this ahead of time but tonight I kept thinking of all the draw backs. I suppose my biggest fear is that I may desire to be unfaithful while he's gone or worse: I may not miss him at all. You see, I'm really one of those "out of sight, out of mind" people, and the last thing that I want is to hurt him because he and I have known each other for so long. I'm just not sure how I should handle the situation, and I could really use the advice. Thanks so much!
<3 Jinxie
Well, first of all, Jinxie, thank you for the "kudos" as they are greatly appreciated. Now to tackle your problem; long-distance relationships can be tough as everybody knows. The big thing you have to ask yourself going in is if it's really worth it. I don't know your boyfriend, obviously, so you're going to have to be the judge of that. It seems to be like you're worrying about a lot of "what-if's", though, and you're talking yourself out of the relationship before it really goes anywhere. Believe me, I can understand that. But if you don't try, you'll never know what could happen. Now, that being said, if you do decide to go ahead with it, and you feel things aren't working out that's something you two will have to talk about--otherwise you two can really hurt and confuse each other. Luckily, in today's day and age, there are many ways to communicate, and in boot camp he'll be allowed to write letters which is something that can't be under-estimated. If you have to, talk to him about your reservations and such but you can't simply worry about what MIGHT happen. If you do, then you'll never be able to just let yourself be happy.
In any case, I hoped that helped. If you have any other questions you can always email me or comment. Good luck!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
My Apologies
So, my deepest apologies for failing to post a blog last night. As horribly unprofessional as this sounds...I had absolutely no idea that yesterday was Thursday. Ha. I suppose it can be easy to lose track of time sometimes, and I apologize.
In any case, unfortunately, I did not receive any letters this past week, and as a result, I have no advice to give. I suppose I could think of something wise and sage-like as always, but that is not the point of this blog. It's called "Ask Red!" and I certainly can't answer anything if no one asks me a question.
But I remain faithfully yours, and will certainly post ON TIME next Thursday. And I promise to have a blog posted that is thoroughly more interesting and more professional than this one.
Ta' for now!
In any case, unfortunately, I did not receive any letters this past week, and as a result, I have no advice to give. I suppose I could think of something wise and sage-like as always, but that is not the point of this blog. It's called "Ask Red!" and I certainly can't answer anything if no one asks me a question.
But I remain faithfully yours, and will certainly post ON TIME next Thursday. And I promise to have a blog posted that is thoroughly more interesting and more professional than this one.
Ta' for now!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
From, PrettyGurlsMakeGraves
Alright, so I have to admit, I was rather skeptical about whether or not I would get any emails by today, only because my blog is so new and I'm not a well-known blogger or anything like that. Well, I went around to people I knew online and asked them to refer my blog and things like that--you know, talk to people about it. Well, I'd like to say thank you to all of those people I'd talk to, because someone actually wrote in. Everyone--you know who you are--you are the best!
In any case, moving on. Today's letter was sent in today from "O-Land"...whatever that means... :
Bonjour, My friend Andy!!
Keeses from O-land :P So I didn't know who to ask but I really needed to talk to someone. So I'm in love (I know, cheesy!) But yes, I am in love with someone that I care for more than I thought possible. What's the problem? Well.... Before knowing said-person, I thought sex was disgusting and something that I would never do myself. I pretty much can say that I had no sex drive whatsoever. But the more I got to know this person, the more I saw myself having a family with them, growing old with them, and yes, making love with them. Just them for the rest of my life. But here's the problem... I want to wait for my wedding night. If we were to do anything before, would we ruin the beautiful relationship we have now (that's freakin' amazing without it as it is)? Or would we complicate it and end up hurting each other? And if we decide to hold off, what can I do to show my love?
Respond when possible!!!
- PrettyGurlsMakeGraves
Well, this is a tricky subject, I must say. I'd like to say, first off, congratulations on falling in love, and I don't believe it's "cheesy" in the least. Whether you're a virgin or not, waiting for marriage to have sexual relations is always going to be a personal choice that you have to talk to your partner about and be completely honest. If he or she really cares about you, he or she will respect you and not try to push your decision. However, no one is perfect and deciding to be celibate throughout your relationship--or at least abstaining from sexual intercourse--can create tension in the relationship, especially if your partner is used to having intercourse on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, I am not a psychic, so I cannot tell you what will happen if you do or do not have sex with your partner. If it is something that you are very adamant about, I would suggest sticking to your values--if only because you do not want to feel forced into intercourse, and that's purely for your sake. Sexual intercourse with someone that you love can be very beautiful, and some would argue that if you plan on staying with that person the rest of your life then there would be no harm in having sex before you're married. But that, I'm afraid, is something that you have to come to terms with on your own. If you decide to make love with your partner, you must be comfortable and relaxed. Communication is very important. Talk about what feels good and what doesn't. If you're unsure about something, don't be afraid to ask your partner questions. Don't worry about seeming a little silly. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. One important thing to remember is: if you're not comfortable with yourself, it is going to be very hard to be comfortable with someone else. Perhaps the most important thing of all if you decide to make love is to BE SAFE. Use protection to help prevent the spreading of disease, and to help prevent pregnancy. You can never be too safe.
If you ultimately decide to wait until you're married, communication is still very important. Let your partner know the reasons behind your decision, and make sure your partner understands how important it is to you. Discuss limits to how far you're willing to go in your relationship before marriage--in a sexual sense, that is. If you don't want to go any further than kissing and perhaps heavy petting, let him or her know that. If you're willing to stick to "outercourse" (such as oral sex, erotic massages, etc. which, if you like, I can go into full detail about techniques and the like in another blog--just shoot me an email) that is something that you also need to discuss. Again, if there is any chance that bodily fluids are going to be exchanged, I strongly recommend that you use protection. No matter how far you're willing to go though, make sure that you do not feel forced. Not only because I'm sure it's illegal in nearly every way, but because you won't enjoy it if you feel forced and uncomfortable.
I can understand your being worried that your partner may think you do not love him or her. Trust me, if you're honest and are willing to talk about it openly, your partner will not doubt your love. Where sex is not always about love--I'm sad to say--the flip side is that you do not have to have sex to prove that you love someone.
All in all, remember what's most important: communication and protection. If you're open and honest with your partner then there shouldn't be a problem. Just take things at your pace, and hopefully your partner will love and respect you enough to let you. That is the foundation of any successful relationship, after all.
In any case, moving on. Today's letter was sent in today from "O-Land"...whatever that means... :
Bonjour, My friend Andy!!
Keeses from O-land :P So I didn't know who to ask but I really needed to talk to someone. So I'm in love (I know, cheesy!) But yes, I am in love with someone that I care for more than I thought possible. What's the problem? Well.... Before knowing said-person, I thought sex was disgusting and something that I would never do myself. I pretty much can say that I had no sex drive whatsoever. But the more I got to know this person, the more I saw myself having a family with them, growing old with them, and yes, making love with them. Just them for the rest of my life. But here's the problem... I want to wait for my wedding night. If we were to do anything before, would we ruin the beautiful relationship we have now (that's freakin' amazing without it as it is)? Or would we complicate it and end up hurting each other? And if we decide to hold off, what can I do to show my love?
Respond when possible!!!
- PrettyGurlsMakeGraves
Well, this is a tricky subject, I must say. I'd like to say, first off, congratulations on falling in love, and I don't believe it's "cheesy" in the least. Whether you're a virgin or not, waiting for marriage to have sexual relations is always going to be a personal choice that you have to talk to your partner about and be completely honest. If he or she really cares about you, he or she will respect you and not try to push your decision. However, no one is perfect and deciding to be celibate throughout your relationship--or at least abstaining from sexual intercourse--can create tension in the relationship, especially if your partner is used to having intercourse on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, I am not a psychic, so I cannot tell you what will happen if you do or do not have sex with your partner. If it is something that you are very adamant about, I would suggest sticking to your values--if only because you do not want to feel forced into intercourse, and that's purely for your sake. Sexual intercourse with someone that you love can be very beautiful, and some would argue that if you plan on staying with that person the rest of your life then there would be no harm in having sex before you're married. But that, I'm afraid, is something that you have to come to terms with on your own. If you decide to make love with your partner, you must be comfortable and relaxed. Communication is very important. Talk about what feels good and what doesn't. If you're unsure about something, don't be afraid to ask your partner questions. Don't worry about seeming a little silly. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. One important thing to remember is: if you're not comfortable with yourself, it is going to be very hard to be comfortable with someone else. Perhaps the most important thing of all if you decide to make love is to BE SAFE. Use protection to help prevent the spreading of disease, and to help prevent pregnancy. You can never be too safe.
If you ultimately decide to wait until you're married, communication is still very important. Let your partner know the reasons behind your decision, and make sure your partner understands how important it is to you. Discuss limits to how far you're willing to go in your relationship before marriage--in a sexual sense, that is. If you don't want to go any further than kissing and perhaps heavy petting, let him or her know that. If you're willing to stick to "outercourse" (such as oral sex, erotic massages, etc. which, if you like, I can go into full detail about techniques and the like in another blog--just shoot me an email) that is something that you also need to discuss. Again, if there is any chance that bodily fluids are going to be exchanged, I strongly recommend that you use protection. No matter how far you're willing to go though, make sure that you do not feel forced. Not only because I'm sure it's illegal in nearly every way, but because you won't enjoy it if you feel forced and uncomfortable.
I can understand your being worried that your partner may think you do not love him or her. Trust me, if you're honest and are willing to talk about it openly, your partner will not doubt your love. Where sex is not always about love--I'm sad to say--the flip side is that you do not have to have sex to prove that you love someone.
All in all, remember what's most important: communication and protection. If you're open and honest with your partner then there shouldn't be a problem. Just take things at your pace, and hopefully your partner will love and respect you enough to let you. That is the foundation of any successful relationship, after all.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Coming soon!
Coming soon to a computer near you....
ASK RED!
From the desk of Red Andy, Ask Red! is written to order. Send me your emails to askredandy@gmail.com and ask me that one thing that you're too embarrassed to talk to with your friends and family. If you're confused about what would be a good activity for a second date, feel free to ask. If you're interested in trying new techniques to please your partner in bed, I'll be happy to give you some tips. Nothing you can ask is too mundane or too racy. Before you ask, yes, I'm going to post your emails up on the blog, but not to worry--if you're so shy that you don't want ANYONE to know who you are, just sign the email with an alias, or not at all! Not to worry, discretion is the name of the game. This is a judgement-free place where nothing is taboo!
So, don't forget, send those questions in to askredandy@gmail.com and check back for your answer! Blogs will be posted every Thursday. If you don't see your answer right away don't worry, I'll answer as soon as I can and depending on the volume of emails I receive I may be responding to more than one question at a time!
Check back next Thursday for the newest posting of Ask Red! Can't wait to hear from you!
ASK RED!
From the desk of Red Andy, Ask Red! is written to order. Send me your emails to askredandy@gmail.com and ask me that one thing that you're too embarrassed to talk to with your friends and family. If you're confused about what would be a good activity for a second date, feel free to ask. If you're interested in trying new techniques to please your partner in bed, I'll be happy to give you some tips. Nothing you can ask is too mundane or too racy. Before you ask, yes, I'm going to post your emails up on the blog, but not to worry--if you're so shy that you don't want ANYONE to know who you are, just sign the email with an alias, or not at all! Not to worry, discretion is the name of the game. This is a judgement-free place where nothing is taboo!
So, don't forget, send those questions in to askredandy@gmail.com and check back for your answer! Blogs will be posted every Thursday. If you don't see your answer right away don't worry, I'll answer as soon as I can and depending on the volume of emails I receive I may be responding to more than one question at a time!
Check back next Thursday for the newest posting of Ask Red! Can't wait to hear from you!
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